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members present:
Dennis Jagard, Steve VonTreetrunk,
Kevin Ruggeri, Johnny 'Smoke'

conducted on:
June 2002

by: Nevra Azerkan
official website
shout-out to PZO


Kevin: So have you guys thought about your fabricated responses yet?
Dennis: Yeah, we’ve cooked some up.

PZO: After your 3-album deal with Epitaph expired you guys were looking for another label. What made you decide to become apart of the Victory Records family?
Dennis: They’re a strong label and they’ve done a good job. Over the years they’ve had a good reputation and they offered to pay for us to record an album. That was nice. We thought yeah, it would be cool to be with a record label that would pay for our album.
Dennis: Doesn’t it sound like a good deal?
PZO: Of course.
Dennis: At the time we were thinking about putting out our own album when we were just begging and borrowing. I was applying for credit card loans to pay for recording, so it was nice to have someone else cover that.
Kevin: and somebody that was enthusiastic about it too.
Dennis: Yeah.

PZO: As a band, what do you think your best qualities are?
Johnny: That would be a Kevin question.
Kevin: Best qualities?
Dennis: Yeah, Kevin is the newest guy in the band. Let’s let him answer that since he has more of a perspective on it than we do.
Kevin: Probably perseverance. I mean from an outsider’s perspective I can certainly say about this band that everything they’ve been through most recently and most tragically the passing away of their last bass player, Leigh Lawson and the fact that despite all the hardship they keep coming back and keep playing. [They’re] really dedicated to it. I think that’s a real strong quality. We’re really self-reliant too. We handle a lot of things on our own.
Dennis: We got a radiator yesterday.
Kevin: Yeah! We’re big boys. <claps>
Dennis: The van was over heating and we got us a radiator. <throws arms in the air> ALRIGHT!!
Kevin: Woooooo! New radiator and it didn’t solve the problem. <throws arms in the air> Woooooo!
Dennis: The van is still over heating. We don’t know what the problem is. At least now we have a good radiator.
Johnny: It’s a learning process.

PZO: When you play, do you ever try to emulate other performers that you admire?
Johnny: Mmmm…Michael Jackson. <imitates Michael>.
Kevin: Peter Criss. I’ve been known to dawn KISS makeup occasionally. Steve’s a big fan of Mr. Clean.
Kevin: and Co-Jack.
PZO_Friend_2: He has his own work out kit.
Kevin: Yeah.
PZO: There he is right there!
<Everyone looks out the window>
<Steve starts licking the right outside window of the van>

Kevin: We’re talking about you, buddy.
Johnny: Speaking of dying bass players, did you guys hear that John Entwistle from The Who just died today.
Everyone: Yeah!
<Steve tries to get in the van>
Steve: You can’t kick me out.
PZO_Friend_2: Band members only in here. Sorry, sir.
Steve: I’m a groupie. I’ll have sex with every one of you.
PZO_Camera_Friend: Abandon ship, abandon ship.
<Steve finds a spot to sit>

PZO_Friend_2: We were talking about you. Mr. Clean and…
Steve: What??
Kevin: The question was: Do we try to emulate/imitate other performers when we are rocking out and I said you were a big fan of Mr. Clean.
PZO_Friend_1: He was talking shit, man.
Steve: You know what I say about that?
<Steve opens his water bottle and throws water at Kevin>

Kevin: That was just special effects.
Johnny: That was stage water.
Dennis: Yeah, that was stage water.
Steve: See if there was no video, we wouldn’t have done that.
Kevin: Lousy camera.
Dennis: If there wasn’t a video going on we’d offer you beer, but considering that you might be underage it could help as evidence against us.
Kevin: We don’t want to end up like R. Kelly anyway.
PZO_Camera_Friend: We have the video camera.

PZO: Any unintentional mishaps on stage?
Dennis: We always plan intentional mishaps.
Dennis: Okay now, I am going to trip over this and break my teeth on the drum riser and you guys, right when that happens--
Johnny: Not yet. <knocks on wall>
Kevin: Dennis was de-panted the other night.
Johnny: Yeah, nothing has happened to me yet.
Dennis: We had a little bit of a rough night the other night. The P.A. wasn’t working right and stuff. I was out working trying to get the album finished. We just recorded an album. We’re mastering it. So I rode in on my motorcycle, so I had all my leathers on and so I took them off and just grabbed some shorts coming in, but I didn’t have my belt. So while I was on stage my pants kept on falling down. Then this huge guy in the front row started to try to pull my boxers off…
Dennis: and I don’t know. I’m just a little bit shy, you know?
Dennis: Not that we haven’t done it before, but I just didn’t feel like baring it all. So I got in a little tussle with him. Luckily, he backed down.
PZO_Camera_Friend: What if it was a girl pulling your pants down?
PZO_Camera_Friend: Then what?
Dennis: I’ve taken a vow of monogamy.
Steve: Then he would have gave salute.
Dennis: I probably would have, but--
Kevin: He would have passed her on to Steve I’m sure.
Dennis: I’ve taken a vow of monogamy. I took the marriage vow, so I would have handed her off to one of the other guys.
Steve: His wife was in the crowd.
Dennis: Yeah, that’s true. My wife was there that night. Probably before I’d have time to hand her off, my wife would have <makes cat noises and pretends to claw>.

PZO: What is a common compliment people give you individually and as a band?
Johnny: “Great Show.”
PZO_Camera_Friend: That’s what the last band said.
Dennis: How about some individual ones? Come on guys, you’ve gotten some compliments lately.
Johnny: You should sing more. <laughs> I’m serious.
PZO_Friend_2: There’s never any girl that screams, “I want your body!”?
Kevin: Not until tonight.
PZO_Camera_Friend: We’ll do it just for you guys. Make you look good.
Steve: Can you get more people to do that for us? The ladies.
PZO_Camera_Friend: If we have enough dollar bills.
PZO: Dollar bills?
PZO_Camera_Friend: So we can pay them to scream.
PZO: A dollar bill isn’t going to do it.
Kevin: Somebody last night said that we were tight.
Kevin: Which is nice that they think that. We try to be.
Dennis: We used to…in the letters people used to write, “You kick ass” all the time.
Johnny: Used to write. They don’t write us anymore.
Dennis: I haven’t seen that lately. I just haven’t seen the phrase, “You kick ass.” Kicking ass seemed to be really cool a couple years back.
PZO_Camera_Friend: Do you guys get lots of letters?
Kevin: Now that shit is tight.
Dennis: That shit is tight.
Steve: That shit’s yo, bro.
Kevin: You’re up in the shizzy my nizzy.

PZO: Have you ever done anything to each other while the other was sleeping or passed out?
PZO_Camera_Friend: No Dirty Sanchez. <laughs>
PZO: Yeah. <laughs>
Steve: No dirty what?
PZO_Camera_Friend: Sanchez.
Johnny: No Dirty Sanchez. <laughs>
Steve: We do the teabag.
Steve: We’ve actually done more to other bands.
PZO: Like what?
Steve: We went out with Goober Patrol. We taped them all up in their bunk. What else did we do? We did a bunch of other stuff.

PZO: What do you think you would have been voted or in high school (i.e. class clown, having the best car, etc)?
Johnny: Class clown; though you wouldn’t know it now. I was obnoxious in high school.
Dennis: Nahhh. No way!
Dennis: Who would have thought?
Kevin: Steve has a pretty kick ass car.
Dennis: Steve has a hot rod.
<Through the window Eddie from the Voodoo Glow Skulls offers food>
PZO: Wow, he popped out of nowhere.
Kevin: I thought he was selling tickets. Ticket scalper.
<Steve pulls out a yellow envelope>
Steve: This is what we gave Goober Patrol, rattle snake eggs. Take them not.
PZO: That’s okay, give them to her.
Kevin: It’s pretty crazy.
Johnny: We got them from some Indian guy up in Fresno.
<PZO_Friend_1 takes the envelope and slowly opens it to find some weird contraption that was supposed to pop out, but failed to>

Steve: It worked on the English. They were like, “Rattle snake eggs? Really?”
Johnny: Voodoo just offered us chicken if any of you guys want any.
Dennis: Life on the road. Just Barbeques…
Steve: Summer sunsets. Beautiful ladies.
Dennis: Long walks on the beach.

PZO: What was the biggest waste of time in your life?
PZO_Camera_Friend: This interview.
Kevin: Infancy. I mean you don’t even remember any of it. What’s the point?
Dennis: Crummy jobs. Crummy jobs where you’re getting paid low hourly wage and the clock is ticking so slow and you feel like you’re selling your life for a few dollars.
PZO_Friend_2: Like a prostitute.
Steve: Yeah, you sit there and go like oh I can’t wait for four hours to pass and your like hey that’s four hours of my life.
PZO_Friend_2: Yep, just like a prostitute.
Dennis: Prostitute’s make pretty good money, what are you talking about?
PZO_Friend_2: And how would you know this?
Kevin: And it’s quick.
PZO_Camera_Friend: Sometimes.
Kevin: WOOOWW!!
Dennis: I don’t know. I don’t have any direct experience.
Steve: We’re all virgins. We don’t know.
PZO_Friend_2: Except that guy ‘cause he’s married.
Dennis: Wow.
Steve: You’re a married virgin.
Dennis: Yeah, we were waiting until we were ready to have kids.
PZO: So you have the twin sized beds going on?
Johnny: Just like “ I Love Lucy.”
Dennis: We’re not ready to have kids, so we’ve been holding on. It’s not right unless you’re planning on procreating. So we’re just holding off until we’re ready.
PZO_Camera_Friend: You’re not a very good liar are you?
Dennis: Nope.

PZO: If you could be a superhero, what would your costume look like?
Dennis: That’s a great question.
PZO_Camera_Friend: Please say spandex with underwear over it.
Kevin: All these questions are pretty cool.
Steve: I’d be Scooby Doo.
Johnny: Big bear suit. Party bear.
Dennis: Something with armor. That would be pretty cool.
PZO_Camera_Friend: With underwear over it.
Kevin: I’d like to refer back to the KISS reference again. Sorry.
Johnny: Adult-sized underoos…How about that?...that have superheroes on them.
Dennis: I’d rather be a villain than a superhero. Like Darth Vader before he turned into a wimp.
Dennis: That would be cool. Walk around <imitates Darth Vader> Light savers, slicing people up.
Steve: Dennis is a superhero. You should see him put on his motorcycle outfit.

PZO: If you were to have your own 1-800 number, like 1-800-callatt, what would you want it to be?
Kevin: We should have been advanced of these questions.
Dennis: So we could came up with something good.
Kevin: Some creative responses. 1-800-DumbDumb ‘cause that’s what I feel like right now. ‘Cause I can’t think of anything.
Steve: 1-800-SweetandTangy
PZO_Camera_Friend: Do you want to say that again to the camera?
Steve: 1-800-<licks lips> sweet and <winks> tangy

PZO_Camera_Friend: This is going on the internet, you know.
Johnny: I’m going to have to refer back to the party bear then. 1-800-PartyBear Come party with me.
Steve: But how does a bear party?
Johnny: He parties like this. A little <roars><claws> and a little <roars><claws>.

PZO: What is the best insult or ‘would be insult’ you’ve heard or used?
Johnny: You suck.
Johnny: It’s not original, but it’s always fun to hear.
PZO: It works.
Steve: There was an insult once that was pretty funny when Scott, the old singer, was in the band. We were at one of his baseball games and he was out there pitching and one of the fans said to our old bass player, Pete, who had purple hair at the time, “Radinsky, you suck! Put in the guy with the purple hair. He’ll do better than you will!”
Kevin: Ass Juice Jouster. It’s a very bad insult. You guys don’t want to know what that is, right?
PZO_Camera_Friend: No.
PZO_Friend_2: Yes. Turn off the camera.
Kevin: People take two fingers and they put it down in their butt crack. After they’ve been really sweaty---
PZO_Camera_Friend: That’s the Dirty Sanchez!
PZO: Wait, hear him out.
Kevin: and then they come out <flicks fingers out> On Guard!
PZO_Camera_Friend: Oh, that’s a little different.
PZO: Yeah, not too much though.
Steve: Do you have any personal experience with the Dirty Sanchez?
PZO: No, we just get it a lot in interviews. It seems to be common among band members.
Steve: Oh, have you heard of the Buckin’ Bronco?
PZO_Camera_Friend: No.
Steve: You haven’t heard of that one?
PZO: Not yet.
Steve: Okay.
Johnny: We’ll tell you later after the interview.
Steve: Mark that in the internet and see what comes up.

PZO: What profession would you never like to try?
Johnny: Commercial fishing.
Johnny: Whoops. Already did that one.
PZO_Camera_Friend: Didn’t we discuss this earlier?
PZO: <laughs> Yes, we did.
PZO_Camera_Friend: Housekeeping for a porn store.
Kevin: The jizz mopper.
PZO: Oh yeah, your question.
PZO_Camera_Friend: Oh yeah.
PZO_Friend_2: Is it considered rape if an older woman has sex with an underage girl without her consent?
Steve: Yeah.
Dennis: Yeah, it is.
PZO_Camera_Friend: Oh, I got my answer.
<Another guy comes to tell us about the food again>

Kevin: What was the question again?
Dennis: I’m not sure.
PZO: What profession would you never like to try?
Steve: That stuff from Fear Factor.
Johnny: Farm working.
Dennis: But at least you’re outside.
Johnny: Bending over and picking berries all day.

PZO_Friend_2: I have a question actually. Do you guys have a bathroom in here?
Steve: It’s right here. <Pulls out an empty water bottle>
Kevin: The advantages of being a guy.
Dennis: That’s why they have service stations.
PZO_Friend_2: What if you have to crap or something?
Kevin: We crap in a bag and throw it out the window.
Dennis: Crap in there <points to ice chest> and then once it freezes put it in a bag.
Johnny: You pick up dog shit, so why not your own.
Dennis: That’s why they have service stations.
Johnny: Sometimes those are a lot worse than just taking a crap in the van.
Dennis: That’s true.
PZO: Well, if you’re in the middle of nowhere, you won’t be able to find a service station.
Kevin: You go in the middle of nowhere.
Dennis: Does a bear go in the forest?
Johnny: This bear does.
Dennis: We’ve played in clubs before where they didn’t have bathrooms. In Germany you just go out under the moon.
Steve: Where do you think the shit goes once you shit in the toilet?
PZO_Friend_2: Germany.

PZO: If you had a choice, what time in history would you like to live in?
Kevin: Now, man.
Dennis: I think now is pretty exciting. Stuff is changing all the time. The change that is happening is exhilarating and exciting.
Steve: I’d like to be back in the 60s with Austin Powers where free love will rule the world.
Kevin: Maybe like the early and mid 70s with Black Sabbath, KISS, and Zeppelin and stuff like that.
Dennis: I think a lot of it depends on your station in life like to be in the Medieval Times if you’re a peasant wouldn’t be too cool, but if you’re the king…
Steve: Not when they are beheading the king.
Dennis: Yeah, during the French Revolution probably wasn’t too cool, but right before the French Revolution.
PZO_Friend_2: I wouldn’t want to be king, you have a lot of people trying to kill you.
Kevin: But you have so many people protecting you.
PZO: They’ll eventually turn on you.
Kevin: and rightly so.

PZO: Which two people would you pick to be on Celebrity Boxing?
Dennis: I’d like to see Keanu Reeves get his ass kicked.
PZO_Camera_Friend: Doesn’t he have a band?
Kevin: Unfortunately.
PZO: That’s sad.
Kevin: You thought his acting was bad, wait until you hear them.
Steve: Gary Coleman and Kid Rock.
Johnny: Ozzy Osbourne and Ozzie Nelson.

PZO: What’s one slang word that you can’t stand?
Johnny: ‘Dude’.
Steve: Yeah, ‘dude’.
Kevin: No, ‘yens’. In Pittsburgh people say ‘yens’.
PZO: How is it used?
Kevin: What are ‘yens’ doing tonight? How bad is that?
Steve: One slang word I’d like to see become popular is clitty. That’s clitty, man.
Johnny: Smell you later.
Kevin: People that say worsht. Instead of washed.
PZO_Friend_2: How much ya like being done?
PZO: I says to myself.
Dennis: I used to hate it when people said ‘hella’. That’s ‘hella’ cool, man. That’s ‘hella’ bitchin’ and it’s like what do you mean?
PZO: Then No Doubt comes out with “Hella Good”.
Dennis: Yeah.

PZO: What’s one extreme thing you want to do before you die?
Dennis: I’d like to fly a plane.
Steve: I’ve been skydiving.
Johnny: I’m already a diver. Swimming with the fishies.
Kevin: Crack.
Dennis: I would like to try Crack before I die. When I am an old man I am going to get all that shit.
PZO_Friend_2: Crack isn’t that bad.
PZO_Camera_Friend: Next question.
Kevin: Hmmm….

PZO: What is your best childhood memory?
Johnny: Not having any.
Dennis: Johnny pretty much drinks to where he doesn’t have to remember.
Kevin: It was probably traumatic.
Steve: He’s still a child.
Dennis: That time that kid kicked sand in your face. Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to remember.
Dennis: For one birthday I walked in and there was birthday cake and a Planet of The Apes little set with a bunch of Planet of The Apes stuff. I was stoked. That was my favorite childhood memory.
Kevin: My first drum set was pretty cool. It was a birthday present; a big surprise.

PZO_Friend_2: Wait. I have a question. How long have you known each other?
Steve: High School. Junior High.
Dennis: Pretty much Junior High. Kevin came out from Philly about a year or two ago, so he’s new.
Kevin: I’m the new buck.
Steve: We get to boss his ass around.
Kevin: I may regret saying this, but there hasn’t been a lot of hazing yet.
Steve: Oh, what have you done to band members. I forgot about that.
Johnny: Bengay on the eyelids. Toothpaste on the eyelids.
Steve: Bengay on his balls.
Kevin: Sleep far away.
PZO_Camera_Friend: Or wear a cup when you go to bed.
Steve: That helps cultivate the bengay. Whole cup full of it <does hand motion> <makes squishing noise>

PZO: Do you know any bad jokes that you’d like to share?
Kevin: All the jokes we know are bad. Bad jokes like stupid jokes?
PZO: Yeah.
Kevin: I have a ton of them. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey Bud, why the long face?”

Johnny: That’s an awful joke.
Kevin: You want a bad joke, there’s a bad joke for you.
Johnny: Six white horses tripped and fell into the mud. There’s a dirty joke for you.
Kevin: What has seven arms and stinks?
Kevin: Def Leppard.
PZO_Camera_Friend: That’s messed up.

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